As I approach my 1st wedding anniversary next month I have been thinking about the men in my life and dating which has been eventful to say the least. I have been married three times.
Today’s blog is not work related it is about me, men and dating. Whilst I feel fairly experienced I would not say I was any kind of expert. I am married and as I approach my 1st wedding anniversary next month I have been thinking about the men in my life and dating which has been eventful to say the least. I have been married three times. The first was fine, I was too young and so was he and we were caught up in the false belief it was the right thing to do. We tried but after 3 years I decided to walk away. Despite not being right for each other he has never forgiven me for ending it.
My second marriage I really believed was the one. 9 years together and 8 were fabulous. Again a great guy but things happened, we both changed and this made it impossible to continue and I thought I would never be happy again. But we shared some great years and I loved helping to raise his Daughter.
I threw myself into work and as a result developed a very successful career. But then came the dating. So where does a 37 year old twice divorced mother of one, workaholic, find romance? The internet of course. Match dot com, E harmony, Guardian Soulmates, I’ve tried them all. But for anyone thinking of embarking on such a project please approach with caution……
One of my earliest messages came from a man whose profile name was Scrambled Eggs which I thought was unusual. We exchanged two emails and he said that he had a question to ask me:- would I consider meeting him and wear high heels and kick him as hard as I could in the balls? Now I am fairly liberal but I really wasn’t expecting this. I thought he was going to ask me if we could go for a romantic walk and a coffee and talk about music and film and things that make us laugh. Wrong. I read his email several times and eventually showed it to my mum as I was stunned. She read the email and thought for a minute and said, “Cheeky get. Get his number love and I will go round and do for him. He won’t ask again.” NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Over a period of 5 years I dated and in between had a year long relationship with a man 17 years my junior. The age difference was appealing he was adventurous, spontaneous, intelligent and funny. But eventually I felt old and frumpy beside him and once that perception changed I walked away and in the process really hurt him. It was a very horrible experience knowing that I was responsible for that.
But the dates continued and went from the sublime to the ridiculous. So we had two, not one, but two secret cross dressers, another man wanted me to physically assault him in role play, others were players, liars, cheaters and I suspect married. So a conveyor belt of dates with dinner, drinks, cinema nights and trips to the theatre. I was given flight tickets to St Petersburg (yes Russia) by a barrister who would not take no for an answer. I was proposed to by an investment banker in Berkley Square who wanted me to give up work and when I asked what I would do all day he said – manage our staff……. NEXT!!!!
With regard to one of the cross dressing men I was given the privilege of being the first person to see him as his alter ego “Annie the Tranny” – his words not mine. He was nervous and I found it fascinating but not attractive. I sat in a hotel room in the Travel Lodge in Preston waiting for him to emerge from the bathroom so I made two cups of tea and very badly assembled Margaret Thatcher look alike came out. He was petrified. We talked, drank tea and although I was interested I went home thinking there was no mention of that on his bloody profile!! NEXT!!!!!!!!
On two occasions 9 months apart I met men in a hotel bar half way between where we both lived for a bite to eat and a chat. Both these men went to the bathroom after a couple of hours, one was three hours into the date and left without saying anything. Left me sitting there trying to compose myself and wonder what did I do/say to make them leave. This turned to anger and embarrassment and I realise what kind of characteristics would a man have to treat someone like that. Men with no respect, courage or backbone. Not men I am interested in or who are worthy of me. One of those men text afterwards to say he was being a coward but didn’t want to take it any further. I wanted to respond and say then why didn’t you just say so? Have you no guts or respect? I didn’t though I didn’t think he was worthy of my effort or anger. 5 months later he rang to say he had made a mistake and would I meet again. NEXT!!!!!!!!
One of the more recent dates was with a local man but we drove to Leeds to meet his brother and went for something to eat at Frankie and Bennys. This was our 5th date. During that time he was building up to something and I couldn’t work out what. “You know I fancy you don’t you?” he said. “Yes, well I would assume so if we are on our 5th date.” I replied jovially. “No I really do fancy you, I know some men would just see you as fat but not me I like the way you look.” Hmm I thought feeling less jovial. “OK” I said. In a nutshell we had 5 more minutes of him telling me how much he likes me and then it came. Can you lend me £3,000 to set up a business? By this time the waiter and the couple of the next table were earwigging in. So I responded very loudly; I think you have mistaken me for someone with no self esteem. I won’t lend you money and you don’t deserve me. I will pay the bill so as not to embarrass you but don’t ever contact me again. And, you may find your own way back to Bolton. You won’t be travelling in my car.” I paid, left, burst into tears in the car and by the time I got home thought I need to change my strategy. No NEXT, I had had enough.
I logged on the website to delete my profile and it wouldn’t let me you had to telephone someone through office hours so instead I deleted all the contents and photo. But there came a message from someone called Ian asking for a chat. I replied saying no I was coming off the website as my experiences had been rubbish and couldn’t be bothered with anymore. We got chatting and over a week of talking/texting we decided to go on a non date just to see a film we both wanted to watch.
Internet dating in the end worked out because despite the bad experiences I met my ideal man. The problem was not the system it was the users of it. The internet is a vehicle through which people can hide, be cowards, be anonymous and false, and lie without being found out. You have to be prepared that people are not all like yourself.
The non date turned into a date and it was literally love at first sight for both of us although we didn’t admit that for months. We got married last year.
If I ever end up single again (I hope not) I will get a couple of cats and join a book club.
Have a great weekend!
Maura Jackson