I didn’t want to pass up the opportunity whilst blogging of talking about women family, work and friendship. This is not political or exclusively professional in any sense just a series of observations. As I started to make notes for this piece I got to thinking about the women that have influenced me over the years. Some by being strong, funny, loving, hard working and showing me resilience and true generosity and others by being negative, mean spirited and down right noggins making me think I never want to be like you. Thankfully those in the latter category have been few. For example, I did once have a female boss who told me I would never get anywhere because I swore too much and wasn’t lady like enough. She was a bully. She showed her true colours in the end and was caught. It didn’t end well. She was member of a Women in Housing Group trying to challenge the “glass ceiling”. They didn’t mention that you could only be helped if you didn’t swear.
I was Head Girl in my school and during that time was responsible with many others to organise a party for children who were considered disadvantaged from local primary schools. For some reason this required me dressing up as Andy Pandy, I suspect because it was the only costume in the shop that could accommodate my massive arse. The party was a resounding success apart from my outfit. The Headmistress Sister Barbara was a formidable lady but she saw something in me and nurtured it although I didn’t realise this for many years. My penchant for organising, leading and helping others and a good old party had already started.
As a young girl it was Nancy Drew I kind of liked, not just because she was always followed by the Hardy Boys, but because she was smart and determined. There were other literary characters that appealed to me but my all time favourite even now as an adult is Miss Marple. My love for Agatha Christie still lives on. I read the autobiography of Margaret Rutherford, my favourite Miss Marple actress, many times. What a remarkable woman. Other women I have read about that have just amazed me with their determination, strength in the face of adversity, courage and intelligence like Audrey Hepburn, Dusty Springfield and Emmaline Pankhurst.
However the ones that have had most influence on me are those who I know personally, family, colleagues, friends and clients. My closest friends are few these days but what I lack in quantity I certainly benefit from in quality. Some colleagues from as long as 20 years ago are still my friends now and as one of them told me today “sign of a sound friendship when we don’t see each other for ages but you can chat like it was yesterday”. Anne, Rosemary and the late Julie A all fit that bill. Maureen, Caroline, Julie and Alison I have all met through work but made the greatest friendships that have lasted years; 25 years for Julie. A life sentence.
They all supported me when I was a finalist in a beauty pageant Miss BBW 2012. This is what happens when you have access to the internet and two bottles of Sauvignon Blanc. I was hoping to strike a blow for the curvier of the species and just show women that confidence and beauty come from within but many of the other finalists were insecure, unstable and competitive to the point they got nasty. Never with me; they wouldn’t dare.
I was volunteered to carry two of the finalists with me in my car on a drive to Bournemouth for one of the heats. So we 3 complete strangers met up at Piccadilly Station and set off for an 8 hour drive. I nearly killed them both by the time we had reached Crewe. In their own ways they were fairly pleasant girls; I was 20 years their senior. 50 miles into the journey was like Jeremy Kyle hell. I heard about bullying, bereavements, Dads prison sentence and the anti psychotic medication they currently both were prescribed. I nearly asked to borrow some to complete the bloody journey.
Closer to home my sister Helen is an amazing woman. She is intelligent, generous, and talented. But brave, really really brave. We didn’t meet until I was 28 years old but the years since then have been wonderful. Her mum is also pretty special too.
My Granny, Maura Noonan, the woman after whom I am named. Short in stature but tenacious and made the most delicious rice pudding. She demonstrated strength and perseverance with raising 9 children and coping with the loss of others. She always worked, budgeted on peanuts and provided for her family the best should could in middle Ireland 60+ years ago. I held hands with her the day she died and they felt the same as they did when I was ten years old and she let me paint her nails.
In my career I have met thousands of women including staff, politicians, charity fundraisers, stakeholders, prisoners and a variety of clients. I have managed a several services; some for women fleeing violence, women who were homeless and women who had offended. I have been so privileged to work with female and male colleagues who have transformed and literally saved womens lives and continue to do so. The women I work(ed) with at ADVANCE, Together Woman Project and BYPHS are nothing short of miraculous.
I currently work with other inspiring women now as Trustees of another Domestic Abuse charity in Bolton; Endeavour. Over the years I have been lucky to meet other women like Mary V – the woman who inspired me to be an excellent supervisor. Remarkable women like Anita and Gaynor and Amrita and many others whom I still enjoy contact beyond the reasons under which we first met or worked together. They continue to help other women. Amrita and I worked together in London and we started work at the same place on the same day and I was her manager. Amrita, from Calcutta, had lived in London for 7 years and I am obviously a Bolton girl. She went home after her first day at work and called her Mother in India and said she thought she would probably get sacked soon because she couldn’t understand a single word the new boss said and therefore wouldn’t know what I was asking her to do. She didn’t tell me this until my leaving do.
More recently I have met women that I suspect I will know for years to come; women working for or supporting Bolton Young Persons Housing Scheme in a variety of ways and other women in business. You know who you are.
But there is a group of women I haven’t focussed on yet. Women who for a variety of reasons needed me to be strong for them – clients. I have seen and heard every kind of problem faced by women of all ages and backgrounds.
There are too many to mention specifically but for some I have supported them directly in front line work and others I have created jobs for by securing and sustaining funding and then supervising them. For 5 I have represented them in a Home Office Domestic Homicide Review after they were murdered by partners or ex partners; almost the most stressful thing I have ever done but I felt a sense of duty to make sure they were heard even then. More stressful than this was watching a womans life support machine being switched off because she had no one else and her aging Dad couldn’t face it and didn’t want her to be alone. She called me her guardian angel.
I have supported young women who were homeless when I was a support worker at BYPHS from 1997 – 1999 who are now successful in their own rights both professionally and personally including 1 who works for me now as a qualified Support Worker. I worked with another woman 10 or so years ago and her family and without going into detail they were dealing with some difficult and complex issues. The service she received both directly and indirectly seemed to fail but a couple of years later she decided that she wanted to make the changes required for her family. She addressed the issues one by one and is now completing qualifications and just gained her first paid employment in over 18 years. She approached me several years ago for help and asked for a chance to do a placement. I am so totally proud of how far she and her family have come. She turned it all around herself. Inspiring.
Bravery and strength is something I have witnessed first hand all my life with my mum. She is totally amazing in the most understated way. She has successfully battled breast cancer, got rid of two tithead husbands even when that meant she was beaten, homeless or stoney broke. She told me she cried one night because she didn’t have £1 to buy me PE pumps. She worked nights for a couple of years packing toilet rolls to get by when we were at school, she has always worked. Her work ethic is strong. At the age of 16 I had my first real encounter with alcohol. My friend Lorraines 21st party in her house and I drank home brew wine like it was pop having never drank before. I also seemed to eat a lot of sweetcorn (don’t ask) and so after probably not a long time when I was sick, sweetcorn, all over her bedroom her Dad who was also mullered walked me home so I wouldn’t get in trouble.
His plan didn’t work. She blasted him all down the street and I got sent to bed. But the next day I was due on a shift 6am – 2pm in the factory across the road. My summer job was putting cherries on cherry bakewells. Well at 5.30am she came in to get me up and I thought I had died already. I was sick, my head was throbbing like a cartoon thumb, and I had the shakes and hated my Mum for taking off my duvet and throwing it out of the bedroom window. I was frog marched to the factory and pushed in as far as the clocking on machine. I was put on gingerbread man duty which meant squishing gingerbread dough by hand through a mangle thing to roll it out. I lasted 12 mins before I threw up everywhere (more sweetcorn) and was sent home as I was health and safety hazard.
Still no sympathy. She hoovered, played loud country music all day and made me clean the bathroom. I never did that again.
Aside from that she is a complete marvel but this is only something I really appreciated when I was 25/26. She is assertive, independent, solvent, hard working, funny and courageous. When she had breast cancer she was so strong. Those around her were falling apart. That was six years ago and counting. That illness marked the start of our trips away; Dublin, Prague, Barcelona, Venice, Rome, South France, London and this year it’s Oxford. I love the time I spend with her. We both met Glenda Jackson MP a few years ago as we were invited for afternoon tea to meet her in the House of Commons casually chatting like we were all old mates. (I won it as a prize in a raffle!) Tea for two with Glenda. Amazeballs. She is a fantastic woman.
Take a minute to think about women (and men) you know in any capacity who inspire you and think about their positive qualities, think about your own qualities. I bet there are loads. I hope that my daughter Leah feels the same about her peers and colleagues and family and is lucky like me to have lifelong friendships with people who cherish her as well as continue to meet people along life’s path that enrich it for her. Helping others is helping yourself.
I didn’t have to think too hard to come up with examples of women I admire but what I hadn’t realised was how many there are that just blow me away with their creativity, grace, vulnerability and passion in whatever they do.
Finally in spite of everything I have said I am giving the last word to men quite deliberately. My boss at MOJ Joe was wonderful. My brother Russell is as good a man as I have ever known until I met Ian, my husband. Another man I always admired was Jack Straw; a plain speaking politician who bizzarely “got me” and what we were trying to achieve supporting women away from the criminal justice system. I only met him 4 times but enough to make an impact. Firstly he agreed on my say so (and a room of 25 women ex-offenders in Liverpool) to assign £15million to services for women offenders. Secondly, I have it on good authority and I can’t tell you how since I signed the official secrets act but apparently when I resigned from my job in the Ministry of Justice and he was informed he asked; “What wanker let this happen?” True or not it’s my favourite story. Great epitaph for me don’t you think?